A Love Letter to the Inconvenience
To whom it may concern:
I apologize if my medical crisis was an ‘inconvenience’ to you. It’s one of those things you wouldn’t understand unless it was happening directly to you. It’s the one thing we never plan for, that makes the most explosive change in your daily routine. I lost track of my everyday life, so I’m sorry if I couldn’t make it on time.
At the start of 2022, on a Saturday afternoon, I was walking to get the mail. It was January but the sun was out and the skies were clear. As I walked back to my front porch, I was attacked by a dog. It overpowered me. The initial shock was terrifying, but I didn’t know everything I had in store for me.
I’ve always been a dog person— they’re kind creatures. But here I am, almost 2 years later, suffering from PTSD. I’m sorry if I can’t focus on a conversation because I see a dog walking towards us.
I had the burden of attending therapy. At the same time, the burden of taking care of my mental health. I couldn’t help but feel guilty. I should be working on class assignments, not crying to a therapist. I should be at work right now, not reliving my trauma. I think that’s one of the hardest battles of therapy— realizing that it’s just as important as your physical health. I learned how to cope with my PTSD. I’m sorry if I had to miss class so I can make time for therapy.
About six months after the initial attack I looked down at my scar and noticed a lump growing underneath the place I was bit. I scheduled an appointment and I was sent to three different specialists. Each one told me my next available appointment would be in six months. Nothing is more frustrating than having to beg for a doctor to meet with you amid a health concern. However, the appointment came and the MRI scans were ordered. I’m sorry if I was late because my appointment ran long.
In the end, he decided due to the pain I was experiencing in my wrist and the growth expanding on the site, it would be best to schedule surgery. I had time to get my affairs in order since I’d be on bedrest for for weeks following the surgery. I’m sorry if I bailed on any previously agreed-upon plans.
Even after all of it, I never received a follow-up about my pre-operative needs. Not until the week before my surgery. I was told I needed to get medical clearance - ASAP. So within one week, I was supposed to be cleared for surgery by a doctor. I didn’t have a set primary care physician. I was told to go to urgent care, they’ll run the tests to clear you. I had to miss all of my Monday classes because no urgent care was accepting me on account of the high wait time. There was no way I was going to be able to submit my essay by the deadline today.
Finally, I walk into one with an empty waiting room, I have high hopes. “I’m sorry no you need to go to your primary, they have your files,” the white coat said. So I called about six different offices to see which family doctor would take me when finally the last one said they’d take me tomorrow at 11 am. During my work shift. I’m sorry if I didn’t make it to work and I’m sorry if I had to submit the assignment late.
It was at this point I had to cry in a parking lot. Who gets attacked by a dog and has to sidetrack their life over it?
Tuesday morning I made it to my appointment with this unknown doctor. They took my blood and told me to come back at 3:30 for them to perform an EKG. I guess my Tuesday Zoom meeting will have to be missed. After the EKG, I’m in the home stretch, I just need the final X-rays. The nurse tells me they won’t be able to do that today, and gives me an address to another office with an appointment set for tomorrow. So Wednesday, another class was gone. But everything was done, medicinal-wise, my assignments were another issue I couldn’t focus on. But my surgery was scheduled for Friday and I did everything to be cleared. I got a call Thursday morning saying my surgeon never received my clearance paperwork. My surgery was canceled and rescheduled. Later on, I found out someone missed the fax that had my clearance paperwork. I can’t help but think I’m sorry I missed so much schoolwork over this.
My surgery got rescheduled for a month later. During midterms. There’s nothing that hurts more than realizing you can’t help your grade because a professor refuses to accept late work. I’m sorry my medical issues got in the way.
The procedure went as planned and I went home with a bandaged wrist and arm slung upright for elevation. Then came the asking for extensions, the missing deadlines and the trying so hard to keep up. I couldn’t bear to think if something even more drastic were to happen to me, how bad it would affect my academics. To myself - I’m sorry I underestimated what recovery would look like.
I am a first-generation college student. Not making it to class, missing assignments, falling behind, that’s not in my DNA. Looking back it is heartbreaking to think of what my grades could look like right now if this medical crisis didn’t happen. I’m still working on the recovery process both medically and academically.
However, when I look back, I see the flaws in the academic system. Every university preaches being a safety net for students. Every professor preaches caring for their students. Very few of my professors were understanding when it came to extensions, and even fewer acknowledged my academic decline as a cause for concern. I’m sorry if I’m nothing but a student ID number on your grading sheet, but that’s just how it goes I suppose.
Most importantly, I’m sorry to those who have experienced anything that has derailed absolutely everything in sight. These ‘inconveniences’ make us stronger.