How to Settle in a New City as an Introvert
The societal pressures placed on people in all walks of life often center around their accomplishments and the people they surround themselves with, whether that’s in friendships, romance or their career.
It seems it is almost never good enough just being on your own. This is especially hard when confronting big changes like moving to a new city.
It can be a challenge coming to an unfamiliar place where an introvert’s biggest fear comes to light: the need to socialize.
And according to Anila Bhagavatula, professor of social psychology at California State University, Long Beach, the tips typically found in articles about this tend to not always cater to everyone.
Parking lot at CSULB overlooking the Walter Pyramid. Photo by Natalia Chairez.
Does this sound like you? Here are some tips on how to settle into a new city as an introverted person.
Understand that it’s normal to feel isolated in a new city
Whether you’re moving out of your parent’s house to a city just around an hour away for university, or traveling across the globe for the job of your dreams, taking that step to move to a new city is scary.
Even an extrovert with a huge social circle could feel isolated with such a change.
“There are times in our lives where if you don't like meeting new people or you feel uncomfortable in large groups, introversion can feel like an impediment,” says Bhagavatula.
During transitional periods in an introvert’s life, especially if they’re young and learning, their social life feels magnified into one big spectacle of stigma.
But what they might not realize is extroverts can feel that way too; they may just express it differently.
“If you're in a situation where there is already some anxiety from being in a new place and you're lacking quick access to close groups like you used to have because you're no longer around those close friends, then I think introversion does become more of an issue,” Bhagavatula continues.
“Because you're starting fresh.”
Life doesn’t revolve around other people – start something new on your own
It’s one of the most beneficial things to enjoy your own company enough to be okay with doing things alone.
In psychology, there’s a phenomenon called the Five Factor Model, which refers to the five aspects of someone’s personality including extraversion, neuroticism, openness to experience, agreeableness, and conscientiousness.
Bhagavatula references this model explaining the definition of introversion in personality traits.
Professor of social psychology at CSULB, Anila Bhagavatula, in her office. Photo by Natalia Chairez.
“If you look at the definition of it, in the five factor model, it's not just about people. It's that [introverts are] not as open to new experiences,” says Bhagavatula.
Statistically, introverts are less likely to take on new challenges than extroverts, especially if it’s not from the persuasion of their peers.
This is why this tip is difficult but extremely helpful.
Whether that’s taking up those Spanish lessons again for the sake of having something to keep you busy or volunteering somewhere where your interests are valued, this step doesn’t have to be difficult.
“Forget the idea of other people. I want to do things. I'm going to focus on getting to do those things and other people will be in the periphery,” says Bhagavatula.
It’s the idea of expanding your interests. Forget about everyone else, what do you want to do?
It is your life after all.
Go at your own pace
With the growth of social media and the infamous comparison game in the hands of your mutuals on Instagram, it’s easy to get caught up in the idea that you are in a race.
When it comes to assimilating in a new city, rewiring the cables of what you were so used to and having a fresh start can feel daunting.
You might think, ‘Oh god. People my age have made so many friends! Their life is all figured out! They have social events every other weekend, andI don’t!’ But that is okay.
Yes, socialization to some extent is necessary for the sake of our mental health, but take those initial moments of loneliness in your new surroundings to develop the best version of yourself.
The biggest misconception about introverts is that they don’t ever want to socialize. Everyone needs to socialize at some point. We need people. It’s all been crafted intricately into our human anatomy.
Group of friends singing by a beach bonfire. Photo courtesy of Kindle Media on Pexels.
But when article after article tells you to just make new friends and ask the neighbor for a cup of sugar to strike up a conversation, it can feel hopeless for the average introvert, or anybody who tends to struggle socially.
It’s inevitable that you’re going to feel the pressure of a world structured around the extroverted persona.
“A lot of these [articles] are catered to the idea that you wish you were more extroverted and let us help you. But some people really don't want to do that,” says Bhagavatula.
“They're looking for more fulfilling thingsin their life,but that fulfilling thing does not need to involve a lot more people or new people on top of that.”