Navigating the Chapters of Adulthood
My mom wiped away a tear rolling down my cheek as the chorus to Cat Stevens’ “Wild World” played in the background of our goodbye hug. As excited as I was to finally move out of the house and escape my tiny hometown, the day I finally left the nest was bittersweet to say the least. I was attempting not to release a small river of tears as the lyrics, “Oh baby, baby, it's a wild world, and I'll always remember you like a child, girl,” played as I embraced my parents for one last hug. It felt as though the song was narrating my exact situation as we said our goodbyes and I turned to take my first step toward what I felt was the next chapter of my life: adulthood.
Ani Gutierrez admiring a flower field during a pit-stop on a roadtrip home from school. Photo Courtesy of Ani Gutierrez.
Although adulthood legally begins at age 18, it did not feel official for me until the moment I fled my monotonous hometown in Northern California and moved to Long Beach for school. With all things familiar and comforting surrounding me for 20 years, I felt this change was desperately needed for me to become the person I aspire to be. Although this was only a year ago, I still feel as though each day I’m faced with more challenges of navigating life on my own. Despite the difficulties that growing up seems to bring, I constantly remind myself that the struggles are necessary.
Ever since I was in elementary school, my parents have continuously told me, “You have to work for what you want in life and don’t be afraid to take risks.” A few weeks before I left I recall my mom telling me, “You better go make a name for yourself.” She has always pushed me to dream big, as it was something she wished she could have done at my age rather than getting married as a teenager, although my parents have been inseparable ever since. In a way, I think my parents’ encouraging words subconsciously pushed me to work towards my goals and to not be afraid of facing the world head-on (even though I still find myself struggling with that at times.) This is when my 10-year-long plan to move to the LA area, become a writer, and marry a member of One Direction (still working out the kinks on that last part) came into play.
One of the first of many slaps in my face when I entered adulthood was realizing just how many steps are needed to complete my goals and everything in between. Making the decision to study journalism and apply to schools in SoCal were the first, and frankly easiest, steps in my plan. What I was not as prepared for were the countless tedious instances that came along with these decisions. A few of such including, but unfortunately not limited to: figuring out living situations, applying to internships, dealing with car maintenance, remembering to pay rent and bills, making sure to eat more than boxed mac n’ cheese everyday, and wincing every time I have to pull money from my savings to do any of that. I noticed that nearly everything I have to do in order to get where I want, or to merely live comfortably for that matter, causes me copious amounts of stress and I often think, “so much is happening–it’s so stressful, and I don’t know what to do.” I came to realize that this is simply the process of growing up.
My first year in Long Beach, or chapter one of my journey through adulthood as I like to call it, came fast and ended even faster. It started off strong, when the day I said my farewells to my parents I was graciously greeted by a nail in the road and my first-ever flat tire. As I started out on my first of many solo-road trips from NorCal to SoCal, I also came across a few car troubles. I thought – wow, of course this would happen as soon as I finally leave home. My immediate reaction to my car problem, which many can possibly relate to, was to call my dad– as if he could magically fix it for me while being six hours away. He advised me to call AAA instead of him, which I did and got the situation taken care of. To this day, though, I still call my dad before anyone else when there’s anything wrong with my car. In fact, I still find myself calling up my parents for just about any pickle I find myself in. Like when I got COVID-19 and had to mend myself back to health, or when I got put on the waitlist for the dorms and was thus obligated to find other living situations, which eventually lead me to the next chapter of my journey.
Ani Gutierrez pictured right before beginning "chapter two" of her journey through adulthood. Photo Courtesy of Ani Gutierrez.
Moving into my first apartment came with a new sense of freedom, but was quickly hindered with responsibilities. Chapter two of my journey through adulthood began when the process of finding a place to live as I entered my second year at CSULB did. Luckily, I had made a friend in my Social Media Communications lecture last semester who happened to be looking for a third roommate. After months of searching for an apartment that accommodated all of our standards, the day we signed the lease and got the keys felt like I had just graduated from level one of adulting to level two. Nevertheless, level two has come with more complications and although disappointed, I’m not surprised. Adulting became more prominent for me in chapter two. Responsibilities such as paying rent, purchasing my own groceries and cooking for myself, focusing on everything school continues to throw at me, maintaining my position as Features Editor for DIG, (as well as my unpaid internship that I have to sit in hours of LA traffic for), cranking out articles to add to my growing portfolio, and the numerous other tasks thrown at me (all while trying my best to keep my composure, and a social life) have rendered my being.
I’ll be honest, sometimes it’s hard. Really hard. Having to juggle so many things on your plate all at once while not having a solid support system around you, all while trying to maintain your sanity, can accumulate some rough days. I would be lying if I said I haven’t had a few breakdowns from the pressures of growing up and attempting to maintain my plan. Every time the struggles seem to become more burdensome, though, I hear the voices of my parents reminding me, “if something isn't hard, it won't be worth it.” The hardships that we face in this life are just part of the journey towards our future, and odds are we are all dealing with similar instances. We all go through varying chapters in our life, but I’ve found comfort in the realization that with every struggle, there will be a better outcome. As I continue living through my journey of adulthood, I remind myself that life is not only changing, it’s coming.